Ten years later, the regret still niggles at the back of your mind...
"If only I had..."
I shared the 4 Universal Regrets, which show 4 Core Universal Values...
4 Universal Regrets, 4 Universal Values
Foundation regrets tell us we value: Stability and safety
Boldness regrets tell us we value: Learning, growth, risk,
Moral regrets tell us we value: Goodness
Connection regrets tell us we value: Love
Today, I want to share with you the three-step process developed by Daniel Pink in his book The Power of Regret for how to let go of your lingering regrets.
3-Step Regret Releasing Process
Step 1: Inward - Self-compassion,
Step 2: Outward - Undo it and express it,
Step 3: Forward - Analyze and strategize - What lessons can be learned from it?
Step 1: Inward
How do you reframe the regret within yourself?
How do you talk to yourself about your regrets?
Do you beat yourself up about not making a better choice?
The first step in processing your regrets is to have compassion for yourself.
There is some incredible research done by Kristen Neff on self-compassion and how it works far better than lacerating self-criticism.
Here is a framework (developed by Dr. Neff) for self-compassion.
Notice - notice when you are being critical of yourself
Normalize - shared humanity "We all make mistakes sometimes..."
Nurture - what would a good friend say to you? Say that to yourself
Step 2: Outward
A lot of times, we can undo the regret by acting differently now.
For example, if a relationship has been slowly drifting apart, let's say with your parents, put a time in your calendar to reach out.
Could you take that first step?
Even the act of just sharing our regrets with people that we trust can have a tremendous impact on releasing the regret.
We tend to think that if we talk about our mistakes, people will think less of us but, in reality, a lot of times, they actually have more respect for us, and vulnerability promotes a deeper connection.
Step 3: Forward - Analyze and Strategize
What lesson did I learn from this regret, and what should I do differently in the future?
That's it! It may be simple, but the research shows that this three-step process from Daniel Pink's book, Power of Regret, effectively handles regrets.
Step 1: Reframe it through self-compassion
Step 2: Express it and Undo it (if possible)
Step 3: What did you learn from it, and what will you do differently?
How have you processed through regrets that you've had in the past?